Untitled South Park Fan Fiction Story One
by Deinarious
Summary: The kids of South Park start 9th grade. New teachers and students are about and not everything is as it seems. Rated T with possible M content later on. -edit- this fan-fiction series has been cancelled as I lost inspiration. Another will come sometime


Untitled South Park Fan Fiction #1

Part of the Untitled South Park Fan Fiction Series

by Deinarious

(Note 1: This is my first successful attempt at making a South Park Fan Fiction with original characters. Only Chapter One has been completed. Rated T for language and paranormal violence (i.e. Cartmen getting attacked by the teacher with telekinesis.)

(Note 2: I am not going to be portraying paranormal abilities exactly how they are in real life. There will be some similarities. Be warned, later chapters may include elements of magick and other forms of psionics.)

(Note 3: I honestly don't care if you review or if the first chapter makes sense, but don't flame me. I will report you to the admins...I'm an asshole when regarding such things. And if you do review, use proper grammar.)

Chapter One- The TK Incident

It was the first day of school at South Park High. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny had finally started 9th grade. It was a crisp,cool morning, one fitting for a South Park autumn. For some strange reason, for the past five years Ms. Garrison had been their teacher. They were fed up with having the incompetent man with a mutilated penis teach them things irrelevant to their education. They prayed that they wouldn't be stuck with him or her or whatever ever again.

They got the answer to their prayers in the form of a medium-height, somewhat large man with somewhat wavy and curly light brown hair, lots of facial hair, and hazel eyes, wearing a black T-Shirt with the words "die, noob" on it, a brown jacket, and khaki pants. He also wore somewhat dirty glasses, and was head-banging to some loud, angry-sounding music when he walked in. Whoever he was, he had to be better than Ms. Garrison. Stan noticed that he wore a pewter medallion around his neck on a black cord, but he couldn't make out what it was. The teacher wrote his name on the whiteboard in dark blue – Deinarious Falconyne, aka Dei. He then took out of his bookbag, several color coded envelopes, a tall ceramic sculpture that looked like a tower with a purple and green dragon surrounding it, and a small, cherrywood box. Next, he opened the box and took out a small stick of incense and put that in the sculpture. He then did something extraordinary – he snapped his fingers and the incense started to burn. The smell of sandalwood slowly began wafting through the room.

"Oh this is just fucking great. We have a hippie magician for our teacher." said Cartman. Cartman, by the way, had become quite buff since 4th grade. He stood at 6'3" and had replaced his fat with muscle. But he was still the same immature, foul-mouthed hate-monger that he always was. Some of the more recent things he started hating included anime fans and people who role-played for any reason without playing World of Warcraft. Little did he know that the teacher was both of those and more.

"Dude, at least he's better than Ms. Garrison. I'd rather have someone who can do magic tricks than that weirdo." said Stan. Stan over the years had grown into a responsible young man. He got his driver's license, and for a while, had a part time job at the local Bennigan's, washing dishes and taking food to people. He had dated Wendy once since 4th grade, but broke up with her in the 7th grade, since she felt that they still weren't spending enough time together. He still wanted to be her boyfriend, and realized he loved her over Summer break.

"Is he going to be lighting incense every session?" asked Kyle. Kyle also had become more responsible. He was naïve in the ways of love, never having a girlfriend or anything. He currently, however, had no romantic attachments to anyone, and he felt satisfied just being single. His brother Ike, by the way, had for some reason gone off to college, majoring in quantum physics. He had outshone him in means of intelligence, but they were still brothers. But, because of this, his mother had become more protective of him, much to his chargin.

"Maybe. I just hope he doesn't light any of that "Sex on the Beach" crap. That stuff makes me nauseas..." said Kenny, clear as day. As of the 7th grade, Kenny had stopped wearing his parka with the hood on, and had started looking like a regular Prince Charming. His family won the lottery in the 8th grade, and could afford to become middle class citizens and send his father to rehab for alcoholism. Generally, Kenny was happier with his life, He was also still the only kid in South Park who could die and die and die and not be dead. People are starting to wonder if he's human or not.

"No need to worry about me lighting that. I only light "Spring Rain" and sandalwood. Though I do make my own incense sometimes." Deinarious said while writing something on the board and listening to what was now recognizable as thrash metal. He then finished writing and turned off his MP3 player, taking the earbuds out of his ears...which seemed pointed. "Do you have any requests that are legal?"

"No, Mr. Falconyne." Kenny said.

"Please Kenny, call me Dei or Deinarious. 'Mr. Falconyne' seems too formal." Deinarious said.

"How did you know my name?" asked Kenny in a somewhat nervous voice.

"I met with your last teacher, Ms. Garrison, and got a copy of the 8th Grade yearbook so I could study the names of all of my students. I can memorize a name, number, fact, anything, with great ease." said Deinarious.

"Okay..." said Kenny.

Deinarious then returned to the front of the classroom and began to introduce himself.

"My name is Deinarious Falconyne, otherwise known as Dei. I will be your teacher in several subjects – English Language Arts, Art, and Metaphysics. I am the head of the extracurricular club called 'The Society for the Pursuit of the Unknown', where we research the various things that science cannot exactly explain, and do some experiments of our own. I have...friends... all over this school, and connections to things that could help many of you young ones in the long run. As you may or may not be able to see by my medallion, I am a follower of the Neo-Pagan faith. That does not mean I'm what the majority of you would call 'evil' or a 'devil worshipper.' But let's just say, Christianity is not my faith, and never will be." Deinarious said, looking at each student with a meaningful look as he said the last part. "By the way, do not try to get me fired for my faith under any circumstance, as then you'd lose most of your teachers."

"What do you mean?" asked Wendy.

"I cannot tell you at this time, but let's just say I have a large amount of friends amongst the teachers here, and if I leave, they won't be happy. Neither will be some of your new classmates. I recognize a few of you here as being from the 8th grade classes I taught on Art, Woodcarving, and Sex Education..." Deinarious said.

And it was true. There were at least four new faces in the class the majority haven't seen before, two female, one male, and one couldn't be determined by first glimpse if he was a she or she was a he.

"Now, any questions?" asked Deinarious.

The only people that raised their hands were Cartman and Butters.

"Butters. What is your question?" asked Deinarious.

"Why are your ears pointy?" asked Butters.

"I'm surprised that that is the only question you had for me. Ms. Garrison said you were one of the many Christians in her class. Then again...Well anyways, my ears were born like this. You could say I'm an 'elf.'"

"Does that mean you're good with a bow and arrow?" asked Butters.

"You play role-playing games, don't you?" Deinarious said as he walked to Butter's desk. "I have a feeling we will get along just fine. But no, I don't know how to use a bow and arrow. My specialties are more... metaphysical." He then stood up and walked back. "If anyone else wants to see a demonstration of what I mean, raise your hand and I may just show you a demonstration of something called...telekinesis...during lunch."

About 13 of the 25 students raised their hands, including Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Butters, Wendy, Bebe, Red, and the four students who weren't familiar to them.

"Very well then. There will be a telekinesis demonstration in this class today during lunch. I expect everyone who raised their hands to be there. Lunch will be provided. I hope you all like curry. Now for Cartman's question. What is it?"

"Are you Satan's fat white hippie brother?" said a dumbass Cartman.

Silence was heard for five minutes. Then, Deinarious spoke.

"There will be two telekinesis displays today children! One of them right now!"

"Uh oh..."said a girl with boyishly cut dark red hair who was dressed in a brown leather jacket, tan shirt, and brown pants.

"What?" said Cartman.

The class watched as Deinarious took a small rock out of his jacket pocket that was perfectly round. He then placed it in the palm of his left hand. Then, with a look of concentration, the rock levitated upwards then hurtled towards Cartman's forehead. The rock collided and knocked Cartman and his desk backwards. Since he sat in the back row, no one important was hurt.

"Whoa dude!" shouted Stan.

"Awesome!" shouted Kyle.

"Now Eric, do you have any more retarded questions?" asked Deinarious as the rock floated back to him.

"Somebody please tell me what the fuck just happened." asked Cartman.

"You got your ass owned by Dei. Looks like you're bleeding too." said the girl with the boyish haircut.

"Killer." said a girl with snow white wavy hair wearing a periwinkle top and faded jeans.

"Just a warning – Dei doesn't take kindly to insults, and he and Satan are not related." said a boy with extremely white skin, black hair, and radiant blue eyes wearing a black leather jacket with no shirt, and worn jeans with blood stains.

Deinarious walked over to Cartman and looked down at him.

"Hazumi, take Cartman to see Gurk please." Deinarious said to the girl with the boyishly cut red hair.

"Got it Dei." said Hazumi. She then helped Cartman up off the ground and led him out of the classroom, straight to the nurse's office.

Dei then righted the desk and chair, and went to the front of the classroom.

"Let this be your first lesson – never insult an elf who wields metaphysical forces that can easily cause skull fractures. Your second lesson – proper grammar in writing."

And class continued...


End file.
